


Complicit

by romanoff



Series: held [7]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Angst, Blow Jobs, Deepthroating, Dom Steve Rogers, Fluff, Hand Feeding, M/M, Spreader Bars, Sub Tony Stark, Sub-Drop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 06:43:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3681936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanoff/pseuds/romanoff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When Tony's like this, he's something else. He's something perfect. Something fresh, and sweet, and warm. When he presses his cheek into Steve's palm, eyes glazed and pupils blown with the drop, he's like a special present, something for Steve's eyes only."</p><p>Tony and Steve argue. It goes about as well as you would expect. All is solved by the magical workings of a breakfast in bed and raspberry jam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Complicit

**Author's Note:**

> The summary is misleading. Steve and Tony don't have great make-up sex with raspberry jam. Maybe I'll write that somewhere else.

Tony is a delight.

When he's like this, he's something else. He's something perfect. Something fresh, and sweet, and warm. When he presses his cheek into Steve's palm, eyes glazed and pupils blown with the drop, he's like a special present, something for Steve's eyes only, a side of him that only he will ever see.

"Tony," Steve hums "check in. Blink twice for green, three times for red."

Two steady, sure blinks. Steve smiles. "Good boy." He says, wiping an errant string of drool from Tony's chin. "Such a good boy."

Tony goes heavy against his hand, relaxes entirely against him, the words pushing him under just that little bit more. 

Steve teases his hands through hair, damp with sweat. He smoothes his thumb over Tony's cheek, distorted by the gag that spreads his lips. "You look like a piece," he says "you know that? Like a perfect little sub. Bred for pleasure."

Tony groans at the words, eyes closing and knees shifting on the carpet. The setting sun turns his skin dusky; his cheekbones have a high point of red, flushed. Steve leans forward on the couch, bends so he can run his hand between Tony's thighs, test the tightness of the spreader bar holding them open.

"Perfect." He murmurs, and Tony makes a soft noise, a sigh. "You like that?" Steve grins, smoothing his hands over Tony's ribs, bringing his deft fingers up to play with his nipples. "You like it when I touch you?"

Tony nods, eager. He's so soft like this, so content, no crisis in his head, nothing keeping him on his toes. When Steve draws his thumb over his plump, wet lips, he gazes up at him adoringly, allowing him to slip in two fingers for sucking. Tony lathers them with his tongue, mindless to the mess he's making. He would hate to be like this at any other time, wet with drool and flushed with sweat, but now, all he has on his mind is Steve.

"Suck." Steve says says, quietly. "Good boy. Get them wet."

Tony falls on his task with vigour. He bobs his head, taking Steve's fingers as best he can without the flexibility of his lips to ease the way. He looks up, as if to check that Steve approves, and Steve smiles, nodding. Tony can be that way, sometimes, slightly needier than any other sub he's ever had, but it's not so bad. As long as he knows he's doing well, he's so much more eager to please.

Steve stills his head, drawing his fingers through his hair. He holds his fingers in place, smiling down at Tony while the other man is happy to just sit there with Steve's fingers in his mouth. He draws them out with a turgid 'pop' and wipes them clean on Tony's cheek, revelling in the way Tony blushes just slightly.

He unzips his fly. "C'mon," he says softly, holding himself at the base, massaging slightly. "You're gonna do so well, aren't you Tony?"

Tony nods, eyes fixed on Steve length. His tongue flicks out of the gag although Steve's doesn't know if he's aware he's doing it. "Soft and slow, okay? No rush." Steve slides both hands through Tony's hair, guides him carefully to his cock. He lines up the hole in the gag with the head, gently lowering Tony down until Steve is sheathed in the warmth. He moans, and fights the urge to thrust. "That's," he breathes "that's good. How's the air? You comfy?"

Tony taps out two fingers on Steve's thigh, bracing his hands on Steve's knees. "Good boy," Steve says, slightly breathless "that's great. You, you just get to work and I'll -- " Steve loses words for a moments at Tony sucks at his head "I'll just sit here."

Tony's tongue works around Steve's length and Steve allows it, lying back and sighing, letting Tony work his cock. They stay that way for a few minutes, not really moving, Steve just enjoying the feel and Tony trying his hardest to please. 

Slowly, Steve curls his hand in the back of Tony's hair. He pulls back his head, tugs him off his cock, face flushed and dribble making it's way past his swollen lips down his chin. A string of pre-cum slips and joins the mess making it's way down his neck, and Steve thumbs at his lower lip, feels the wetness. "I want to fuck your mouth." He says, mildly.

Tony moans, shifting on his knees. He brings one hand down to play with his cock and Steve tugs at his hair, lifting back his head harshly, a reminder. "No." He warns, and then he guides Tony's mouth back down to his length. "Stay still." He orders, and Tony calms, allowing Steve to steer him. 

He plunges into Tony's mouth, hot and warm and perfect. Steve grunts, one hand steady on Tony's head, the other gripping the edge of the couch cushions. "I wish I'd thought of this sooner," he says, breathless "wish I could have done this while I was working. What do you think? Could have had you under the desk, sucking me off."

Tony whines in the back of this throat and the vibrations travel down the head of Steve's cock. He shivers. "Yeah," he breathes "that would have been perfect. You on your knees, licking my balls. Maybe I would have taken a few calls like that. Maybe I would have seen some guests. No one would be able to see you, but they'd all know you were there, letting me fuck your mouth while they talked."

Steve pulls out, examines Tony's mouth, wet and sloppy. "Colour?" He asks.

Two blinks. Green. Steve pushes back in.

"Or," he says conversationally as he forces his length down Tony's throat "I could have you plugged. Plugged, and set to vibrate. What else do you love? God, those panties we saw last week. You'd be wearing them. Naked, apart from the plug and underwear, and I'd make you work like that. Answer calls like that. Imagine trying to keep a straight voice when someone's down the line. Imagine what I would do to you if you came without my permission."

Tony hollows his cheeks slightly, taking Steve deeper, deep enough that Steve can feel the back of his throat. "Oh my God," he gasps "fuck, you're a pro, aren't you Tony? Aren't you? God, what did I do to deserve you, what could I ever do."

Tony groans around him, then, and Steve has to physically hold himself back from coming down his throat. His orgasm slams into him and the stress of holding back has him arching, pushing further into Tony's mouth, leaving him gagging around his cock.

"Shit," Steve pants, pushing Tony's head back "are you okay? Colour, Tony, check in."

Two blinks. Tony raises a hand, shakily wipes his mouth clear of spit and pre-cum. He takes a moment, resting back, legs still spread by the bar between them.

Then he works the base of Steve's cock, wet with his pre-cum and Tony's saliva, and takes him all the way back down to the root. He bobs his head, sucks on the tip, swallows Steve down until he's pressed deep into Tony's throat, deep enough that he can feel Tony's breath stop. "Careful," he says "don't push yourself if you can't -- "

Tony pulls back, and then moves back in, repeating, working his tongue over Steve's skin as he goes. It's getting harder and harder to hold back his orgasm, Tony's skilful tongue on his length, his clever fingers on his sac, his throat working deep around his cock --

Steve comes; he tugs back Tony's head, spilling over his face, his lips, painting his cheeks with ropes of come. He's panting, exhausted, and Tony tips back his head, lets his eyes half-close and allows Steve to mark him with his spend.

He holds Tony there, chest heaving. "God," he croaks "God, Tony, you're -- you're so perfect."

Tony blinks hazily at him, a strip of come dripping off his eyelash. Steve gently brushes it away, gathering more seed on his fingers.

He presses into Tony's mouth. "Suck." He says, again, and Tony cleans his come off of Steve's hand, movements sloppy and uncoordinated.

"Beautiful," Steve murmurs, pushing back Tony's damp, sweat soaked hair. "You look beautiful." He reaches around, carefully freeing the catch of the gag and dragging it free from Tony's lips. "Colour." He says.

"Green." Tony croaks, voice hoarse. "Thank you Sir."

"You're welcome, Tony." Steve says, half soft, half smug. He's only human; the idea of reducing his sub to this through careful touches and chosen words affects him as it would any other dom. "Are you ready to come?"

Tony nods. "Yessir." He slurs.

Steve cups his chin, rubs in a spot of dried come where it made it's way down his neck. "I bet you are." He hums "You were so perfect for me, you know. The most beautiful sub in the whole world."

Tony ducks his head, blushing, so fucking sweet when he's under like this. "D'you mean that?" He asks, resting his chin in Steve's hand.

"I do."

Tony looks up at him, eyes wide, a loose smile on his face. "I try so hard." He says "I try so hard to be good."

Steve's stomach clenches. "I know you do." He whispers "Which is why you deserve a treat."

"A treat?" Tony asks, sitting back on his heels "What kind of treat?"

"Wait and see." Steve says, standing and making his way over the coffee table that was pushed out the way for their scene. He selects rope, soft and worn, perfect for a good wrist bind, and a blindfold. From the bowl of fruit, he picks up a tangerine. 

He crouches behind Tony's back. "How are your knees?" He asks.

"Sore." Tony answers, truthfully, and Steve takes a pillow, pushes it under his legs. "Colour?"

"Still green, Sir."

"Good boy." Steve hums, working the rope over Tony's wrists until the pattern is solid, thick and sturdy. He tests the grip. "Too tight?"

"Fine."

"Perfect." Steve picks up the blindfold "I'm going to blindfold you, okay? Is that okay?"

"Whatever you want, Sir."

"Not what I want," Steve corrects "what you need."

Tony ducks his head. "Sorry." He murmurs.

"You're fine, Tony. I just want you to tell me: blindfold or no?"

"I thought," Tony's voice is thick "I thought I had the right answer."

It's a repetitive theme: Tony wants to have the right answer. He'll do whatever he thinks will please Steve best. Sometimes, it's led to issues. When Tony gets like this, and he's so eager to please, it's difficult for him to judge what he really wants. 

"Remember what I said?" Steve says, softly.

"It's not a test." Tony answers.

"That's right. I'm not testing you, am I?"

"No."

"What do I want?"

"For me to be happy."

"Clever boy." Steve's fingers tangle in the short hair at the nape of Tony's neck. He doesn't know why, but being called clever is the praise Tony loves the most. It makes him flush, makes him try to hide his smile. Steve can only imagine there was a time when people found it funny to call him stupid, instead.

It makes him angry, but he pushes it away. He needs to keep his head in the scene, focus on Tony, what Tony wants. "So," Steve continues "do we want the blindfold or not?"

"Blindfold." Tony answers.

"Are we sure?"

"100%, Sir."

"Excellent." Steve says, deftly tightening it behind Tony's head. "You're doing so well tonight."

"Thank you, Sir."

Steve makes his way back onto the couch, keeping himself in contact with Tony at all times. He sits down, spread his legs, and gently tugs Tony forward. "Open your mouth." He says, softly.

Tony's lips part without a thought. He stretches his mouth wide, waiting for whatever Steve wants. "Stick out your tongue."

Tony obeys. He trembles there, waiting, while Steve takes him. What else could he ask him to do, he thinks absently as he peels the tangerine, what else could he order and have Tony do, unthinkingly?

No. No good dwelling on that. Too many other people have, too many other have brought Tony down and made him act without any thought to his well-being. Not Steve. Tony tells Steve he wants to go down, Steve does everything he can to bliss him out. Tony says he wants to try a spider gag, Steve buys him a spider gag. He does this for him. He does it for Tony.

He smiles down at him, now, still poised with his tongue out, hands behind his back and legs spread. "I'm going to feed you," Steve says "okay?"

Tony nods, mouth still open. Steve pulls the first slice of tangerine and settles it onto Tony's tongue. "Eat."

Tony does, dutifully, and swallows, licking his lips slightly. "Do you know what fruit it is?"

"Sir? A... an orange?"

"Close." Steve says, breaking off another piece. "Tangerine."

Feeding a sub is one of the most intimate activities a couple can partake in. Trust, on behalf of the sub and adoration on behalf of the dom. Steve believes it's the foundation to any strong relationship.

"Not like," Tony smiles, loose and happy "not like last time."

"No," Steve says "not like last time. That was stupid of me."

"Pomegranate is hard feed someone." Tony giggles.

"It really is. What shall we do next time?"

"Apples."

"Apples?"

Tony nods. "Or pear."

"Good idea, Tony." Steve says. It's important to always affirm your subs choices when they're under. "Open up."

Tony sticks out his tongue again, ready for another piece.

Steve doesn't tell Tony this, but there is a method to these scenes. Subs are more receptive to ideas when they're in the space. At some point -- or many, over the years -- Tony has been told things while under that have lead to negative impressions of himself. You're stupid, you're worthless. Bad boy, bad boy, bad boy. Steve didn't notice, when they first met, because it's difficult to tell. But once he started taking Tony down himself, it became clear. The crying, the difficulty to drop. The fear of it. His revulsion towards contracts. None of it natural, but also not unexpected. 

Tony's improved so much. He's so proud. The first time Steve took him under -- not worked him through a drop, but really took him under of his own accord -- Tony had sobbed, and apologised, and broken down despite doing nothing wrong. Not long after that, he and Tony began their relationship. 

So Steve's logic is pretty sound: subs are more receptive when they're under. Steve is going to mend the damage.

"How does that taste?" Steve asks "Good?"

"Very good, Sir."

"How's everything feeling. Still green?"

"Still green."

"Good boy." Steve murmurs. He passes another slice past Tony's lips. "Are you still hard?"

Tony shivers. "Yes Sir."

"Good."

"Am I allowed -- "

"No."

"Sorry." Tony blurts. "I -- sorry. It was stupid. Ignore me."

Apart from making him angry, Steve always wonders what people must have done to Tony to make him react so violently to a mistake. Apologising is natural, self-recrimination is not. And even if it was, not to the extent that Tony does it.

"I'm sorry." He says again "Steve? Did you hear? Please, it was a stupid -- stupid idea. I didn't mean -- didn't want -- " Steve realises that every second he's sat thinking, Tony's pleas have grown more fervent. "I can still be good." He says "I can make it, just make it better." He's squirming slightly, pushing forward, trying to seek Steve out.

"Shh," Steve says "shh. It's okay. I didn't mean for it to come out that way, and I didn't mean it as a, a bad thing." 

"I know." Tony trembles. "I know that."

Steve gently smoothes Tony's hair. "It's okay." He says "We keep going. Still green?"

"Still green. I just -- " Tony swallows "I was doing so good."

"There will always be slip-ups."

"Am I still...?"

"Tony, you are still the best sub I've ever had. Nothing you ever do will ever change that."

Tony's relaxes like someone's pumped a drug in his system. "Thank you." He says "Thank you, Steve."

It's so sweet, the way he trusts. Steve runs a hand through his hair, sighs. He wonders what goes through a subs mind when they're like this. He knows all the scientific literature, of course, certain states trigger hormones that send the sub under, but he can't imagine. A dom high and a sub dropped... those are two very different feelings.

"Thirsty?" Steve asks, watching Tony lick his lips clear of juice. He nods, shifting forward slightly, mouth parting enough for Steve to tenderly tip the top of the bottle into his mouth. He guzzles eagerly, and when they're done, Steve dries his chin, hand cupping his cheekbone and thumb smoothing gently over his skin.

"I think," Steve murmurs "you're really relaxed right now, aren't you?"

"Yessir."

Steve quietly keeps up his long touches to Tony's face. Gently, he leans down, fingers fumbling with the straps of the spreader bar. He lets it fall to the ground, takes Tony's shoulders, carefully pulling him forward. "What do you say we go upstairs and... take some time."

Tony grins and Steve pulls off the blindfold just so he can see his eyes crinkle. "I'd like that very much, Sir."

Steve feels a sudden swell in his chest, a rush of affection and love. He stands, tilts Tony's chin up, and kisses him softly, chastely, while Tony sighs against his lips. "Bed," he says "just you and me. And we'll see what I can do about this." Steve grasps at Tony's length, the other man thrusting slightly into his hand, gasping. "I just want to take care of you tonight, Tony," he draws away "I want to give something back."

Tony stumbles when Steve lets go. "Hands?" He asks, eyes wide and face relaxed. Steve trails his fingers down his arms, his spine, rests them on Tony's bound wrists.

"It's so good that you asked that," Steve says "it's so good you told me what you wanted."

Tony's breath catches slightly. "Uh," he says "you're welcome, Sir."

Steve frees his hands. "Do you want to do something extra special for me?"

"Anything."

Steve smoothes his hands over the curve of Tony's ass, laying one sharp slap against the soft flesh. "Crawl." He murmurs.

 

Later, just at he starts to drop, Tony sits in the bath.

"Too hot?" Steve asks, trailing wet fingers down Tony's spine.

"Good," Tony says thickly, relaxing into the water "perfect."

"Tip back your head for me -- that's it. Good boy."

Tony sighs, lets Steve run the water over his head. He feels it spill over his shoulders, down his spine, loves the way Steve's strong fingers work against his head. The sound of water soothes him. "Thank you," he murmurs "for earlier. It was a good scene."

"It was, wasn't it?" Steve squirts shampoo into his palm "Keep your head back."

He begins to massage the foam into Tony's hair, and Tony feels himself purr, hears the soft, low noises coming from somewhere deep in his chest. "It's good," he slurs "the, the gag. We should do it again."

"We'll do it as much as you like."

"And the bar. I liked what you said, about, you know, about being under your desk. I like that idea."

"Cockwarmer." Steve says, with just a hint of sarcasm. "Is that another thing we should put on the list?"

"I think," Tony sighs as Steve works out a kink from his neck "I think it comes under objectification. Just -- there. Keep working that spot, would you?"

Steve snorts. "You're such a princess." He says as Tony's hands grip the edges of the bath, as he fights to keep in a moan. "And you're always so stiff." 

"You try working in a garage and we'll see -- " Tony hisses "God, you're clever."

"I was thinking," Steve says, moving to wash the suds from Tony's hair "what do you say about a holiday?"

"a holiday? As in, a vacation?"

"Yeah. A break. Just you and me."

"I -- " Tony smiles "sure. Whatever you say, Sir."

"I was thinking about our list. All those things you want to try out." Tony pushes back his head to look up at Steve, see him smirk.

"Oh yeah?" Tony says. "You're dirty, you know that? Absolutely perverted."

"Where did my sweetheart go?" Steve teases. "You're only nice to me when you're under."

"This is true." Tony says "You know I'm only with you for the money, right?"

"Oh of course," Steve snorts "I'm just your boytoy."

"What can I say," Tony says "I'm a strong independent sub who likes to be waited on hand and foot. You should have guessed what you were getting into."

Steve goes quiet, slightly, and Tony's internal scales for judging his dom's mood falls flat. "Steve?" He says "Steve I -- I was joking. I'm joking, I didn't -- "

"What?" Steve says, and Tony hears the frown in his voice. "I'm not -- God, no, I wasn't angry, sorry. I was just thinking."

"Thinking about what?" Tony says quickly, desperate to assuage the stupid sense of guilt. 

"About how different you are." Steve says simply "When you're under. You're just -- " Steve sighs "I don't know. It's weird, how it works."

"Do you... prefer me, when I'm under?"

"No." Steve says, easily. "I mean -- I love when you're under but -- it's nice when I have someone to talk to."

Tony smiles. He tips back his head, beams. "You mean that?"

Steve blinks. "Yeah? Of course I prefer you -- why wouldn't I? Isn't that a normal thing?"

Tony turns back round, settles back into his bath. "No." He sighs happily as Steve begins to massage conditioner into his hair. "I'm really lucky."

"To have me?"

"To have you. I -- I don't know. People prefer me when I'm under, usually. I mean, obviously, there was the whole Baine thing. That sucked. But when I'm not down -- "

"You're not very subby. I know. I like it."

"Well at least someone does." Tony says, sighing as Steve runs the water through his hair. "That feels so good."

"I'm thinking we should make it a weekly thing," Steve says, turning off the tap. "Every Friday night, I take you under. I mean, I don't know, what did the doctor recommend?"

"A scene a week would be fine." Tony murmurs, lying back in the water. "As long as, uh, he said something about maximising contact throughout the day, so." Tony wiggles his fingers. "Lot's of touching."

"I looked, uh." Steve scratches the back of his head "I looked into, into counselling, the other day."

Tony looks up. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I -- I thought, after last week..."

Tony sits up, the water swishing around him. "Hey, no." He says "That's, it's fine. It's good, I mean, is there anything I can do to help? I have some contacts if that's what you need."

"I think I'd rather do this by myself."

Tony nods. "I understand." He says "I -- I get that."

Steve sighs. "I don't know," he murmurs "sometimes I think it's getting worse."

Tony freezes. "Worse?"

"Not -- that's not what I meant. Just that -- the nightmares are getting worse. I think, Tony, I think I have more to lose, now, that's why. And I can't shake it. Can't shake the idea that -- that one day, maybe, it would be you, falling, or you being, being hurt, or torn, I -- "

Tony twists in the water trying to find his knees. "Can I help?" He asks, placing his hands on Steve's cheeks "Steve -- honey -- if you won't -- "

Steve gently pushes Tony's hands back down to the tub. "It's nothing that concerns you." He murmurs. "It's okay."

"Is it?" Tony blurts "Is it really? You know how relationships work, right? I know you're worried about me and Steve, you're amazing. The way you handle me, the way you treat me when I'm under, it's better than anything I've ever had, anything. I know that you, you take care to not upset, to make sure I'm relaxed, but Steve it's a two way street. If you won't let me help -- "

"By beating you?" Steve says, softly "I don't want that."

"You know, you talk a lot about trust, Steve, I always have to trust you, but how do you think it makes me feel that you won't trust me?"

Steve blinks. "I -- " he says "I do. I do trust you, of course I do. Some things, though, some things aren't... meant for subs to handle." He says, delicately. "Not because you can't!" He adds quickly "Just because -- I want to take care of you. It's better when I care for you. I feel better, that way."

"Okay." Tony says, evenly, irritated as he feels his remaining sub space fall away "Or, you could admit that, you know, as a dom, you enjoy sometimes... letting me have it, and we could work through alternative therapies together, because -- and brace yourself for this, because it's a big one -- we are, in fact, in a relationship, which, according to my books means we lean on each other for mutual support. Mutual."

"It's not about me not wanting to, you know. It's not just that I don't want to, to spank you," Steve winces over the words "it's just, Tony, honey, you have, you have problems, you have your own problems, and it's my job to -- "

"It's not your job. It's your choice. You choose to help me because you're my dom and I choose to help you because I'm your sub, not because -- "

"Enough." Steve says sharply. "God, enough. Just -- forget it, okay? Forget it, forget I said anything."

"Steve!"

"I don't like talking about this." Steve says, standing "You know I don't like talking about this."

"You brought it up! You were the one who -- "

"All I said was that I'm looking into help, me, on my own. It wasn't an excuse for you to jump on in, Tony, I don't need your help. Just because, just because you're damaged doesn't mean I have to be, understand? I don't know if it's some kind of, I don't know, knee-jerk reaction or -- "

"What?" Tony says, staring up at him. "What? You think -- " Tony feels himself swarming with fury "you think I -- is this a joke to you? Have you any comprehension of -- " He can barely articulate the words "you ass! Big strong dom, can't get help from anybody, has to protect his precious little sub you fucking neanderthal!" 

"That wasn't what I meant."

"You say that a lot, Rogers," Tony spits, standing and carefully levering himself out the bath as carefully as he can "you, fine, you know what? We're obviously both tired. Something's got you irritated. I'll sleep downstairs."

"Tony -- you can't, c'mon. You'll drop. Let me -- "

"Steve," Tony says, wrapping himself in a robe "I can deal, okay? I've handled hundreds of drops on my own, I don't need you now."

"You're doing this on purpose," Steve says "I didn't mean what I said, it came out wrong, but if you leave just to spite me -- "

"Then I leave. Bodily autonomy, as shocking as this sounds, you actually don't control me, sweetie." Tony steps out into the bedroom. "And can I suggest that, next time, instead of calling me out on trying to, what did you say? Trying to push my issues on you, how about you stand up to the fact that you just don't want to admit you need my help, because you're Mr Dom, you're the alpha male, you don't need anyone's help and fuck the noise, right, you're just that great. Well screw you, screw you for not letting me help and have fun cuddling your pillow." Tony grabs a blanket from the cupboard "And tell you what," he adds "when you have your nightmare, calm yourself down, because you're a big boy, and you don't need someone as stupid as me helping you out."

"I didn't call you stupid."

"You didn't have to."

"Tony -- don't joke. Don't joke about -- about the nightmares, it's not funny."

"It's not meant to be." Tony spits "I would know, I have them all the time." 

Tony is aware he's being vicious, maybe even cruel. But he's not stupid, he's not -- he's supposed to help, he needs to help, and Steve's not, he won't, it's -- it's just frustrating, it's frustrating and now the evening's been ruined and Tony can't, he won't --

"Hey," Steve says softly, taking Tony's wrist "Tony."

The flinch is quick, sudden, and Tony comes down from it fast enough that he prays Steve doesn't even notice. But he notices, of course he notices, he's a soldier. It's his job to be responsive.

Steve doesn't drop his wrist. He tightens his grip, almost imperceptibly, eyes desperate, vulnerable. "Don't leave." He says "Please, don't leave."

Tony can't swallow. He feels his heart pounding in his chest as the moment hangs there, unable to work up the right words to articulate what he's feeling. Time passes, and Steve just stares at him. Tony blinks, rapidly, sweat tickling the back of his neck, water cooling off his legs.

"Red." He manages, voice so hoarse he's not even sure Steve's heard him. "Red, red."

Steve drops him like he burns to touch. "Shit," he says "Tony? Tony, fuck I didn't -- "

"It's fine." Tony croaks, stumbling back. "Not your fault."

"Like hell it's not -- " Steve reaches out again and Tony full body jerks away from his touch. "I'm sorry." Steve blurts "This wasn't -- I didn't want to pressure you. Do you need a countdown? Deep breaths, Tony, deep breaths and hold for ten, remember?"

"I'm fine." Tony says again, tightening the robe around his body. "I mean it. I'm fine, it was just -- stupid muscle memory, it's fine."

"It's not fine, it's not -- " Steve buries his head in his hands "Jesus it's not fine, I can't -- "

"We argued." Tony says, voice rough "That's it, it happens. Let's -- do you want some water? Here, take some -- "

"Stop." Steve says "Don't, just hold on. Let me -- " Steve sucks in a breath. "Are you okay? Honestly, answer, are you okay? What happened, why -- "

"Take the water." Tony says, handing shaking hard around the glass. "Take it, Steve, it'll calm you down, drink."

"I don't want the water, Tony, I don't -- " he almost reaches for him again and then holds back "I don't want the water." He says firmly. 

Tony drops the glass onto the carpet, unthinking. "Sorry." He says. "That was stupid. Let me get a towel -- "

"Please stop." Steve says "You safeworded, you've never done that before. I was out of line, I know I was out of line. I didn't mean what I said, Tony, you were right, I was just -- I was covering up, okay? I don't want to be weak, I fucking don't, and I'm stubborn, that's all. I don't want you hurt anymore than you have been and -- fine, I have my own issues and it makes me say things I don't mean."

Tony feels like his head is spinning. Maybe it's the heat from the bath, or maybe it's the start of a bad drop, blood pressure rising, hands shaking, yeah, you'd think so. He stares at Steve, sitting on the bed, and he just gets on his knees, buries his head into his own hands because he can't even bear to look, he doesn't even dare look at Steve. "You're right," he says, head bowed "you're right and I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I'm sorry for being so wrong." Tony wonders if he should list, but he figures it might be an overkill. His head hurts, now. Fucking perfect.

He sighs, and rests his cheek on Steve's lap. He stares up at him. "Do you accept my apology?"

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"It would help if you'd just accept."

"Fine. I accept. But I was an ass."

Tony presses his head to Steve's knees. "I mean it." He says "I'm sorry I talked about your nightmares like that. It was shitty. And for the record, I wouldn't leave. I'll never stop waking you up when you cry."

Steve winces. "Come here," he says "don't kneel."

Tony sits next to him feeling strangely heavy. He's tired now. He wants this to be over. The drop is settling in fast, and he just wants to curl in bed on Steve's chest, let him play with his hair. "Listen to me," Steve says "Tony. I... I know I was an ass, just then. I know that. And you're right. There's this part of me that doesn't want to admit I'm weak, doesn't want to accept help from a sub. It's not your fault. It's not that I don't trust you. It's my own issue and... I'm working on it."

"You know what it's like?" Tony says quietly "Do you know what it's like to, to crawl for a guy who won't tell you his secrets?"

"I know." Steve says simply. "I know."

Tony closes his eyes, rests his head on Steve's shoulder. "Let's sleep." He murmurs. "Let's just," he sighs "sleep. And we can talk in the morning."

Steve takes Tony's face in his hands, checks his pupils. "Are you dropping?" He asks.

"Yeah." Tony exhales. "It's fine. Just -- " he shrugs off the robe "hold me, tonight. I'll be okay."

 

Tony awakes to the smell of bacon.

Freshly cooked eggs. Hash browns. Steve has made him breakfast in bed. He always does, the morning after a scene. Tony loves it, although he wouldn't admit it. No one's even done this for him, none of the investors he's ever wooed with his sexual prowess ever bothered.

Steve different, he thinks, as he pushes himself up.

"Morning." Steve smiles, setting out cutlery on the tray. "Sleep well?"

Tony nods, not quite meeting Steve's eyes. "Well enough."

"How's the drop? You feeling steady?"

"I'll be right as rain after breakfast." Tony says, trying for a smile. "Ah -- thank you. For this."

Steve gives him a confused look. "Of course." He says "Toast? I have jam."

"Please."

For awhile, there's just the clink of cutlery and the rasp of knife over toast. Tony bites into the bread with a crunch, the flavour bursting over his tongue. "So," he says, wiping his fingers "last night."

"Last night." Steve says. "Can I ask a question, first of all?"

"Sure."

"Why did you flinch."

Tony's eyes flick to Steve and then back down to his meal. "You know," he mumbles "sometimes it just happens, I mean -- " Tony sighs, putting down his toast "I panicked. I got a bit confused, I was still a little under... it's not big deal. You know I thought you were mad, and, and history tells me that if a dom tries to stop you leaving you're not in for a fun night. So, yeah. I flinched."

"And the safeword?"

Tony takes a big bite of his toast. "Seemed like the fastest way to make you let go. Which you did. For which, by the way, I am very grateful. Oh my God," he says, sucking some jam off his thumb "this stuff is so good."

Steve watches him silently. "I'm sorry." He says again. "I'm sorry I snapped at you."

"No harm." Tony says, eating jam straight out the jar. "You're only human."

"I should be better for you."

"No." Tony says, putting it down. "Listen to me. I have one rule, okay, and it's just one thing that I need you to keep in mind. And I promise, if you remember this, we'll never have this issue again. You ready?"

Steve nods.

"You need to get as much support from this relationship as I have, Steve. That's all I want. It's not one-sided. If you need me to do something for you, if you need to vent, I'm here. Hiding this from me is insulting. I'm not stupid. It makes me feel like you don't trust me, and there's more to a relationship than taking me down and making me breakfast in bed, understand?"

"I -- yeah." Steve smiles slightly. "I get it."

"So." Tony says "Let's start again. You told me, last night, that you were looking into counselling. Why."

Steve looks at Tony for a long time. "Don't be mad." He says.

Tony takes a deep breath. "Steve." He says "What aren't you telling me?"

"You know," Steve says, carefully "Bucky was a submissive, too. That's how a know some things. I think -- you're both very similar. You wouldn't have known he was a sub unless he was under, like you."

"Okay." Tony says, evenly.

"We had a platonic relationship. I would... I'd take him down, if he needed it. When subs get called for duty, it's, you know, it's difficult. Back then he took more care of me than -- " Steve swallows, fingers playing with the blankets. "Yeah."

"You let him take care of you." Tony mutters, scraping jam from the pot. 

"It was a different kind of relationship. I was a lot smaller. And that almost his way of serving, you know? I think it kept him grounded. Gave him purpose." Steve pauses. "You know he was tortured."

Tony puts down the pot. "Why are we talking about this?" He demands. "What -- " Tony pauses, blinking "he's back, isn't he?"

Steve frowns. "What? Christ, no. You'd be the first person I told. I wouldn't -- I'd never keep that from you!"

Tony relaxes. "Well then just tell me," he says softly "whatever it is can't be that bad."

"After -- after I got him back for the first time, the doctors recommended joint therapy. Subs, I don't know, it's easier to recover with the aid of a dom, right? You like to feel supported?"

"True."

"So it was mutually beneficial. For both of us. Uh. I don't know, I asked about it, but it doesn't sound like it's prescribed often nowadays. I don't know what's changed but -- is it not normal there to just take part in day to day submissive activities?"

Tony frowns, wrinkles his nose. "Maybe in really hardline couples."

"Right. Well we weren't hardline, but it helped. It wasn't all the time, just -- sometimes I'd look over plans, and Bucky would sit by my feet."

Tony takes this in. "Did you... was this comforting to you?"

"Yes." Steve says, voice weak. "Yeah. It, it was very nice."

Tony nods, slowly. "How did it help?"

"I just," Steve rubs the back of his head "I don't know. It gave me headspace, it gave him grounding. Having him safe made me feel like... it made me feel like I was doing something right."

"Comforting your hindbrain."

"Right. Basically, yeah. It was like stress relief, almost. I mean, it was never sexual. And I think -- I think it could be beneficial to both of us."

Tony sucks in a breath. "You want to do that?"

"You said you wanted to help. And I get it if you don't want to. We can find something else. But honestly, this is the best alternative to, to other things."

"Steve," Tony says "I really don't mind if you want to beat my ass every so often. You know, I actively encourage that."

"I don't feel comfortable using you as an emotional scapegoat, Tony. What happens if I zone out and, I don't know, go nuts."

"Steve, all we're talking about it stress relief. If having me by your feet chills you out then, by all means, sign me up. Let's do it."

Steve blinks. "Seriously?" 

"Sure, why not?"

"Thank you." Steve blurts "Thanks. That's -- that's really awesome of you, Tony."

"I live to please." Tony smiles, dipping a finger into the jam and sucking it clean.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really dissatisfied with how this turned out. It feels like it's gotten nowhere? Idk maybe it's because I didn't really have a final product in mind, I just went with where it took me?
> 
> I know I need to have Baine resolution, and that's coming up soon. I really, really want to know how you think their relationship is going? Does it feel real? How do the characters appear? Are they justified in their way of thinking? This whole story took me ages. I literally couldn't get it down at all.
> 
> Also, I had a wild idea. I don't know how many people of you are keen on Steve/Bucky/Tony, but I'm considering on maybe ending this series that way? I don't know. You guys tell me. I might just forget that and focus on Steve/Tony.
> 
> But yeah, comments are really appreciated on this one. It's just frustrating, I feel like I've run out of juice for this series and I kinda wanna quit.


End file.
